Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Questions without answers

Either that, or the answers are so blatant and obvious, or blatantly obvious, that I simply can't grasp them.

I saw two things this weekend.

1) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2) Child's Play

Somehow I, the happy-bunny-everything-is-sunshine-princess (I live in a bubble), have managed to acquire a boy who likes nothing better than watching me shiver, wide-eyed half-hiding behind a blanket, while he tortures away my blissful innocence with scary movies. (God, my grammar is terrible.)

Anyway, I have to say that it's really weird watching people who I knew from the few scattered episodes of 7th Heaven I watched being chased around by murderous freaks. You know, tall skinny what's-her-name is in the new Massacre, and "the mom" is the mom in Child's Play. How strangely co-incidental is that?

Also coincidental is the fact that neither of them are any better at acting in these movies than they were/are(?) on that show. Well, skinny what's her face isn't too bad, but "the mom" was still just plain awful.

Enough of that though, and on to my questions. Why do people always face the wrong way? You'd think that they would know by now that the direction the noise comes from is never the direction you should face, the monster is always behind you. Also, you would figure that people had learned that inbred southern Americans are always up to something less than pleasant. But noooooo, not those kids. Why doesn't anyone ever kill the bad guy out right when they get the chance? I mean, she chops his arm off, and then runs away. Or, you get the doll down, but fail to shoot it in the one place that could kill it. What the hell? The bad guy always hits you when you're down, so why not the other way around?

Better yet, why not stay away? If it looks creepy, wrong, evil and or bad, it may be all of the above. Everyone know that curiosity, or maybe a lack of co-ordination, killed the cat; what do these people think is going to happen to them? Why does the bad guy always catch-up, even if he's maimed in some way? Is there something in the genre I'm missing, like maybe the fact that all horror movie actors are descended from the same rabbit that lost that race to the turtle?

I suppose the fact that I even continue to ask these questions is a clear indication of a few things:

1) I will never be involved with the making of a "good" horror movie.
2) I will always be scared by scary movies, even cheesy bad ones.
3) I will never be a successful film critic.
4) I like to point out the obvious.
5) Biiiiilllllyyyyy.... (ask Mariko)